Guitar Zero

There is an exploding trend in videogaming that has moms freaking out in WalMart on Black Friday, kids gluing themselves to the TV for hours and hours on end to master a song, and experts going back and forth on whether or not it is all beneficial. Guitar Hero is taking over the country, and no, it is not beneficial. Guitar Hero consists of a game in which the player can "play" popular rock songs while they push the appropriate buttons on their guitar-shaped controller as the commands of which button to push come down the screen. Also the player must make the guitar strumming motion with their right hand at the same time. There are dozens of songs on each game and each song has different difficulty levels, so it becomes the goal to be able to play every song in the whole game. There is also a game that just came out recently called Wii Music. In Wii Music, the player can play just about any different instrument, from all different kinds of drums to guitar to saxophone to violin to piano, just by holding the game controller or waving it around in the air.

I've heard people say that Guitar Hero is "just like playing guitar!" And supporters of the game champion its ability to develop guitar technique and musical skills, as well as its proven ability to get kids interested in playing real instruments. But how true is this? Can Guitar Hero really help you play guitar? Is waving a Wiimote around in the air helping a child learn to play piano? Is it really that similar?

NO.

I played guitar for several years, and have played bass guitar for about 10. From my experience, music video games will do nothing but confuse beginners about what it is to truly play an instrument. First of all, there are more notes on a guitar than the 5 buttons on the Guitar Hero controller, and playing piano consists of precisely playing any of 88 keys in any coordinationally-challenging combination, not waving a Wiimote in the air. So then there is the problem of how to program the game so that all the notes can be played on only 5 buttons, and this is why I suck at the game. Here's the scenario: I'm playing Guitar Hero with a friend who has no knowledge of the basic mechanics of instrumental music, but who has mastered the art of pushing down any of 5 different buttons on command. We're playing along and she's nailing every note, but I'm listening to the song thinking, "this is not how Andy Summers played 'Message in a Bottle'... it should go like this-" Suddenly the song is over and I'm still trying to figure out why the buttons it told me to push didn't even follow the musical contour of the guitar solo. "Man, Ben, I would have thought you would be better at this game." I don't know how to tell her that what she's spent hours working on is in no way similar to what I do every day in real life.

These video games give very false beliefs about music. As music is such a big part of my life, I almost consider them blasphemous. People just need to remember that video games are just that - games.

I miss hockey

St. Louis is a hockey town. The Blues (though still waiting to get a Stanley Cup) always have an awesome team and the city is full of fans, myself included, that bleed Blue. I remember the good old days, watching Brett Hull, Brendan Shanahan, Curtis Joseph, and all the other greats play. My dad took me to some games and we always watched them on TV. When soccer, baseball, and basketball didn't work out for me, hockey was the one sport I really loved to play. I probably played for 6 years or so and had some really memorable times. I'll always remember playing goalie and winning a championship game in a shootout, probably the most nervous and then the most excited I had ever been. And also the time I got into a fight and was suspended for a game. But I really miss playing with my friends. I had a few friends who always signed up on a team with me, and it was really fun to play with them, feeding them passes and roughing up other teams with them. Kansas City is not a hockey town. They have their football team (is it okay to call them a "team"?) and their baseball te- um.... group of guys, but no hockey for miles around. One of these days I'll get to play hockey again. And maybe one of these days I'll have enough money for cable so I can watch Blues games too...

Dear Santa-

I remember writing my Christmas list when I was younger. I would fill the page with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles action figures I wanted and God knows what else, always making sure to remember to put down clearly everything that I had even thought about wanting since December 26 of the previous year. I don't write a Christmas list anymore, but if I did, I don't think I could fill one of those mini Post-It notes. My parents keep calling me to ask me what they can get me- a surround sound system, clothes, cash? I just tell them I really don't know because I can't think of anything. Sure, it would be fun to have a surround sound system to hook up to my new LCD TV, but I live in an apartment with other people living right above me. I don't need to be re-creating epic battle scenes explosion-for-explosion at all hours. And I always say clothes are okay because I don't like buying clothes, but my closet and drawers are completely filled with the Christmas presents of the last few years. I would like to think that I'm not a superficial person and that I'm above wanting material things for Christmas, but maybe it's just that I already have everything. So I'm either a pious, righteous person with no longing for material possessions, or I'm a greedy kid with every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and LCD TV I could ever want.

Piano "proficiency"

As a student in the Conservatory of Music, I am required to take 4 semesters of piano classes, and then pass a final proficiency exam. There's just one problem. I don't play piano. The first instrument I ever played (as far as taking lessons and practicing and whatnot) was piano. I was probably about 8 at the time and was really excited to play the piano and make music. My lessons lasted a few months - I was horrible! I was so excited then, when I got to started playing bass when I was 10 or 11. Finally, an instrument that makes sense and is fun! So I practiced hard, played in lots of different orchestras and groups, took lessons, got accepted into the UMKC Conservatory of Music with a scholarship in music, and then... I found out I had to take piano. But I play bass- that why I wanted to study bass at the Conservatory. If I had wanted to play piano, I would have played piano. And now that I have suffered through 4 semesters of piano classes, ranging to the insanely mundane to the insanely difficult, I vow that I will never play piano again. So why did I have to take piano classes?

I....like.......history?

In my senior year I am finally having to take all the classes I put off for 3 years: public speaking, biology, the WEPT, and American history. I have always hated history. I have never understood the point of breaking up all the years of the earth's existence into a timeline of chapters with key terms and review questions at the end. Sure, Napolean was a very successful leader, but he's dead now and I'm not French. So you can see why having to take 3 music history classes and 1 American history class was not on my list of things I was looking forward to about college. That was, until I entered the American history class of Pellom McDaniels. I figured that taking a history class with a former Chiefs football player would at least be entertaining. My teacher in high school who had been coaches always made boring classes interesting, although not in an academic sort of way. But Professor McDaniels was completely different. He never once said the word "football" until someone asked him about it. I have never had a teacher so dedicated to my education. I learned A LOT in his class, and not just about how our country came to be and why issues and struggles and prejudices still exist today, but also HOW to think about things. I learned that history is not about a timeline of events happening in sequential order, but that each moment is a punctum, taking shape because of the influences of countless other things happening. I really started to see how everything is related and not just separate steps on a timeline. As strange as it is to say, my favorite class in college has been a history class.

Feel my pain

Today was going to be the day I got everything done. My finals are all finished, essays all turned in, just my web class and a couple things to turn in for my Conservatory classes. So I woke up with a mental list of the things I needed to get done today so tonight could be a night of complete relaxation - go to McDonald's to pick up the Redbox DVD I reserved for tonight, go to Walmart to pick up some supplies for my Conservatory stuff, cash my paycheck, go to the Performing Arts Center to get the Conservatory stuff I had to do out of my bass case, and then go turn that stuff in. I did what I probably should not have done though, and waited to complete all this until I knew I would have just enough time to finish it all and get back to the apartment in time to start making burgers and fries for dinner. 3:30 rolled around and I threw on my coat and ran out the door, reached in my pocket for my keys to lock up, and... nothing. No keys. Back on the dresser. Inside the locked apartment. Yes, my car keys also. So I had to call my girlfriend at work to come let me in. I know she was glad to leave work but I was so mad that I had to do that and that I didn't get anything done today. Looks like it will be another late night.